THE GREATEST ARTIST. Story#3

“To know who you are, you have to be aware of who you were made to be” Going through identity the past few weeks means we have more or less established this truth but it takes more than just hearing truth, it requires awareness in every possible dimension to the point of being comfortable in who you were made and in how you were made. Who made you? God, the greatest artist to ever exist!

Psalms 139: 14 “I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…” Everyone has probably recited this verse (and if you didn’t know where it is found in the Bible, now you do) ...but what does it mean to be fearfully and wonderfully made? Do you believe that you are?

Image is such a sensitive topic. Remember Teddy’s story ?  How acne made him isolate himself to the point that going to church was not an option; because of how insecure he felt? Click here . Size (weight) ,color and height are just but a few mentions of image and while there may exist  options to adjust these features, such as bleaching and surgeries; these are things about ourselves we may never change.

CHEBET’S STORY

You know that really, really tall girl in your class? or church? neighborhood? Well, that’s me. (If you have watched movies and you are always keen on the intro, that statement may sound familiar.) It is quoted from a Netflix Movie called TALL GIRL. When this movie came out, I was so excited to see what they had come up with.I felt like I was about to watch all my life’s struggles in a movie lol. Have you watched it? Safe to say, I got more than I bargained for but related to everything, just in different set ups of course.

Our outward appearance is always seen, obviously,  and my height is usually the first thing seen by people when they look at me (for most I’d say) and they don’t even hide it. The comments come out so naturally and make it obvious. Such as “Urefu nayo” translated What a height or “Why do you keep growing every time?“. Makes me wonder whether I am a plant  ha ha. Don’t mistake my laughter now, it would make me shrink internally and be swallowed up in hurt . It would  go as far as “What do you do that you keep growing tall..tell us so we can also do the same”.  From being called “mrefu”, a post, a tree, to even a giraffe. It’s a lot to be honest. People always come forward with such remarks thinking it will pass off as a  joke but when something that is already deemed “abnormal” is poked at, you can’t always expect it to be a joke right? At least not all the time. 

You must be wondering what height this girl is. I am between 5’10 and 5’11…nearing 6 ft. The ideal height for “goals in a man”. I am definitely not the tallest in the world but I am the tallest in all my cliques and perhaps if I was in America I would blend in since after all this is the American height yeah? But here, in my environs, I have always stood out…literally and figuratively.

I could live with the outside comments since they were  from mates and even people I could never meet again (e.g those on the road who “catcalled” and used my height as the beginning point) It  all made me feel uncomfortable obviously but what happens when I not only have to deal with it outside but equally at home; with my own family? I have four sisters with “normal height”  so you’d say it was expected right? What got to me the most was how my mum always made comments saying “Huyu alitoa urefu wapi” translated. “Where did she get her height from?” and it would come as a result of visitors, including relatives,  who said  “She is so grown she is even taller than her parents” . It wasn’t  a one time thing. I had gotten used to it. I always expected it. I knew the script. It’s like it was the only thing she always saw for a very long time and I would always walk out of gatherings with yet another piercing in my heart and yet no one ever seemed to notice my crushed spirit that reflected on my fake smile. It strained our relationship for a long time and I always felt like she would’ve changed that about me if she could, I know I would have.

People get attention because of a lot of things , mine starting with height and I hated the attention. I looked for ways in which I could minimize the attention; if it meant slouching or always being the first to grab the available seat. Even to date, I must confess that I still find myself going for seats. I hate standing. I think my body got used to the notion that standing is tiresome ha ha just kidding. Additionally, I would always run to the back in any gathering,not out of consideration but because I was never comfortable being at the forefront.

It even got to the point that I was told how I was going to have a hard time finding a boyfriend  because I was ideally “too tall” for “normal” men and I exceeded their height. What a bad thing to say to a girl who has always looked forward to marriage! Another thing was that while there are tall men,my chances were slim since apparently the said tall men also prefer ladies who look “up” to them lol. They were basically saying I didn’t fit the cut physically and if I wanted marriage I would have to settle for a guy shorter than me. As I write, I can’t help but laugh right now but back then I believed it to the point that when I met my first boyfriend, I put up with a lot and almost stayed even after the cheating because hey, where else would I find such a man right? He checked every box and I figured, if I loose him, what will  happen? Will I die single?

Getting to campus everyone suggested (with very good intentions I must add) , that I should try out modeling and while I may have the “qualifications” it has never been my desire but it was all everyone saw of me and I would’ve fallen for it just so I could at least give this height some significance.After all to what was it going to amount to? 

Academically, by God’s grace, I was an A student and a First class graduate and at the back of my mind I thought, “Well, now they can stop looking at only my height and focus on some of my accomplishments” ...the good grades… which was another dive into destruction. Not that I would change my grades, of course not. But it was a means of coping, an attempt to divert that attention but who was I kidding? that plan  failed  because I had to be paraded before everyone every time I did well  during the awards and what I wanted to hide so bad just got showcased even more. It was now the tall girl.. with brains! The first identifier seemed to be permanent no matter what I tried to replace it with. 

I was paralyzed for a while because of focusing on what I looked like and not seeing beyond that. I felt like I could never be more than a “tall girl”. Like it would always start and end there. But I was wrong. God had more in store.

Beginning a relationship with God was the perspective shift I needed. I got to know God sees beyond our looks. Ask Samuel and Jesse 1 Samuel 16:7  While we have been molded by Him and are His piece of art, He sees beyond it and He never desires for us to be stuck in our appearances. There is always a subconscious pressure from people to focus on the seen and more emphasis is placed on that and it can either lock you in or out of  purpose. Both are faulty.  I trained myself and even to date, I continue to train myself to look beyond this; not just in myself but in others as well..whether they are tall, short, plum, slender, differently abled physically or “normal”- I see beyond that!

Have the comments stopped? Of course not. Do I still stand out? YES ! If anything, more than ever because I carry the light of Jesus and people think they are drawn to my appearance but it is Jesus calling them towards Him through me ha ha see? God has such a sense of humor or is it me? lol 

THE BEST MIRROR – God’s word.

God will strip and filter all that we have exalted in matters of appearance…sometimes it means we may not have all the funds to purchase all the “fancy stuff.” Sometimes it means we will try loosing weight but we can’t and if ever we succeed in all our attempted adjustments; we could never get satisfaction from it. There will always be something missing.

Truth is : He will make us  not to fit the worlds trends all in an attempt to redirect us to what matters most- the image of Jesus.

WHAT IF IT ALL SHATTERS?

The world is seeking to define us constantly and a good sign that it is a flawed system is how there is never any consistency. Today a certain “normal” will be acceptable while 5 years it is disregarded. God has given us everything that we need to demolish strongholds of every false truth, and He empowers us to do so. If we live as God wants us to, how He sees us then we would be freed from societal pressure. Wouldn’t you love to experience some freedom? Question is are you stuck in just following the world or are you actually listening to God ?

Perhaps your “image trap” is in the category of clothes, trends, popularity with the endless desire to always  “one up” others. This pushes you further into a cycle of competition and there is no way love will overflow. Being uncomfortable in our image doesn’t just degrade us , it affects others as well. What will happen if it all shatters? What foundation will you stand on?

A Pastor in our church once said that you are “made” for purpose. Made even in the physical sense. You are short for a purpose. Tall for a purpose. Plum for a purpose. Everything is for a purpose. However you look, that’s for it’s own purpose because you are MORE than that!

“All of us are created in the image of God but we are unique in how we show Jesus off.”

Are you owning your unique way?  The artist was never wrong in how He made you!

You are God’s masterpiece. He created you for His own predestined purposes. You are His workmanship. Ephesians 2:10 “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” and hey remember you are created in His own Image too.  Gen 1:26

Whatever your version of image is, you can either strive to blend in or choose stand out. I choose to stand out and stand tall (definitely) in every way possible! What do you choose?

You are light and you are so loved.

May His light shine in you, through you and in everything you do. Do not stay hidden. Let Him be glorified.

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