THE PAIN OF LOVING YOU

It’s such a beautiful and exciting experience when you meet someone, anyone, and you seem to click immediately and effortlessly. It can almost feel like you have known each other in a past life; there is such palpable chemistry, and whenever you leave each other’s presence, you feel like everything is right with the world. The very anticipation of meeting them or seeing them again gives you such a sense of wealth; as a matter of fact, in your eyes, they could do no wrong.

From this point, it could go one of three ways. It could continue in this eutopic infatuation, where you are always blushing and having that constant silly smile that won’t go away; always doe eyed and bushy tailed at the sight or thought of each other, always agreeing with what the other person says or does, never rocking the boat. The status quo is maintained, and the relationship never goes deeper than that. But it doesn’t always remain so rosy. At some point, it becomes a certifiably superficial association. Such superficial relationships always lead to resentment, because then you begin to see the flaws in this person that you can’t talk to them about, and your view of them becomes contaminated, mostly by your new perception of them, that’s resulted from the false sense of security that not calling each other out has created. Needless to say, these types of relationships end up with such toxicity that gives birth to bestseller inspirational books, or chart topping empowerment hit singles. 

Then there’s the other group of people who have chemistry but know enough about themselves not to be fooled by rose-colored glasses. These people go in aware of the humanness of a person, starting with themselves, and they begin to draw boundaries from the onset of the relationship. Some of these boundaries are more easily received than others, but, the more the relationship matures, or the deeper the individuals go into the relationship, it proves more challenging to lay down boundaries, and even more difficult to accept them. I’ve learned that the reason this seems to be the case, is because as you grow more intimate with a person, the more leeway is expected for people to “be themselves”, and boundaries feel like the love is gone or threatening to head in that direction. While this is not always the case, the associations that have faced their demise, as a result, have helped equip many for any similar future engagements. 

Now, those that choose to soldier through it all choose a path many shy away from. These are the people who find a way to use every tool they have to  make the relationship work. I’ll tell you, IT HURTS! It hurts so much, but the beauty that comes from the pain and the travail is most definitely always worth it. If both of you are looking to give and achieve the same through the relationship, objectives are aligned, and you can comfortably say you are playing on the same team. You tell each other hard truths that the world wouldn’t care enough to tell you, and you also fix each other’s crowns when they are out of place. You tend to each other’s wounds when the world has dealt you tough blows, and you also draw boundaries to keep the respect among you. Sometimes you even hurt each other just because you are hurting, but you also hang around just in case the other person needs to be held. It may not sound as brutal on paper, but when you are in the thick of it all, you find yourself questioning your intentions or even your need for the relationship. 

Dear one, that’s what Love is! It’s not that fluffy feeling you get in your belly, (though, I do believe it is a part of or at least a very small fraction of the manifestation of it). It is the feeling that hurts the more we allow ourselves to feel it as we unveil each other’s flaws yet we still choose to fight for it despite the circumstances that give us reasons not to

What Love is: giving and sacrifice. It’s also receiving and allowing yourself to be taken care of (it may surprise you how difficult this can be for some people).

A finer way to elaborate would be viewing love from the lense of what it is and what it isn’t as outlined in scripture :

“Love is patient,  Love is kind. 

Love does not envy,  Love does not boast, 

Love is not proud.  Love is not rude, 

Love is not self-seeking,  Love is not easily angered, 

Love keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil;

Love rejoices with the truth.  Love always protects, 

Love always trusts,  Love always hopes, 

Love always perseveres. 

Love never fails. “

The Creator of the universe, The One Who Is Love Himself, broke it down for us this way.(1 Corinthians 13:4-7) This Is Who He Is! Who better to teach us how to go about it than The Man Himself? I know for sure that nobody can go down this list and say that they have it all figured out(that’s why it’s so difficult and painful); and if you do dare to lay claim to that, then I guess we have the “greatest diety” living among us. 

God knows we are limited, and we can’t do this on our own. We need His Grace and His Patience; we need His help to be able to identify the path and direction our relationships need to take (and this does not only apply to romantic relationships). We need Him to help us identify what’s for a season, what is a lesson, what’s forever, and what’s to be invested in from a distance. Whichever one it is, there is always going to be a price to pay. 

Let’s give ourselves to love and be beneficiaries of loving and being loved even if means aches and tears will be part of the package. Love does not give up, neither should you.

You are light and you are so loved. Stay anchored and keep His light shining through.