NOT ALL TRAUMAS START WITH CAPITAL T

2010; this might have been just an ordinary year to you and you might be struggling to try to attach some significance as you drag some events to the forefront of your mind. Perhaps like me, you were a teen, full of life, ready and eager to grow. Yet this year is marked by more than just seasonal, normal occurrences of life, it is a year that I would classify as torturous; to put it mildly.

I was in grade five and being a new term, I had been assigned the role of being a class prefect. This, like any other leadership position, came with perks some of which included collecting books for marking, marking the class register, and writing noisemakers. The best part was that I would share my teacher’s table during tea break while I took her through the marked class register. What a privilege for a 10-year-old. I relished the opportunity.

One day. the teacher on duty came to class during tea break and found me on my teacher’s desk, she
gave me that look that some of us have received from some of our mothers whenever we wanted to be in the same living room that had food on the table for guests. The kind of look that makes you squirm. When she returned, in the absence of my precious teacher, she stood Infront of the class and asked, “So how do you pronounce your last name? I innocently spelled it out and when she wrongly pronounced it, I corrected her and the next thing I knew was the heat radiating from my face; the sudden contact of her hand connecting with my cheek. “What do you think is so special about you young girl?” she retorted. I felt frozen at that moment, unable to move until I was interrupted by giggles from the class, who found my embarrassment amusing. 😞

13 years later, this sentence, still rings in my head. It is etched in my memory and for years, it gripped my thoughts so hard that shaking it off seemed like an uphill task. At one season in my life, it was the loudest voice, rising above every other. I refrained from things, people and spaces. This phrase became my wilderness, a crutch and constantly, I would agree with it! I started believing the lie that there was nothing special about what I had to say or do. I sunk so low that you wouldn’t pay me to share my opinion and I slowly became the quiet girl in the room.

Granted, this was fueled by other scenarios and words that were spoken over the years, but this was the genesis of my anxiety and the need to always please those around me, lest they noticed my presence and I became their problem.

Have you ever asked yourself the question, “What’s so special about me?” Or perhaps you have gotten used to being belittled that you start to believe that you are not good enough or qualified.

A generic phrase for us Christians would be “I’m not graced for that”. While there is a place for acknowledging and appreciating the varied graces of people as the Holy Spirit distributes as He wills (1 Corinthians 12:11), we have often used this statement to discount ourselves and nullify and downplay that which God can do through us. Truth is, it’s not that you lack the capacity for the life or assignment, it’s only our insecurities and underlying issues that get in the way. This fear-driven illusion makes us terrified of embracing the possibilities of life and authentically and truthfully being who God has called us to be.
The saddest irony is that, out of ignorance, the people who are meant to shape our worlds and be pacesetters are often the same people that plant seeds of doubt, fear, and insecurities in us. In our flawed nature, we project and impose, and more often than not, people are always treating each other as a direct reflection of what they feel about themselves but how we choose to respond becomes the genesis of the path we chart for ourselves. It is a caution even to us to be wary of our utterances just as James 3:2 states “We all fail in many areas, especially with our words. Yet if we are able to bridle the words we say, we are powerful enough to control ourselves in every way…and that means our character is mature and fully developed.”

What you meditate on, you begin to worship, and eventually, you will attract it and this same principle applies to both negative and positive thoughts.

When the children of Israel first attempted to go to the promised land, they heard of the giants and were frightened away from the promised land. They backed off from their God-given heritage because of the frightening details they heard. (Numbers 13:26-33) A tactic of the enemy is to instill fear and this could mean distorting your self-image and corrupting your mind about your identity, capabilities, and self-worth. But the word contrasts this lie by reminding us that we have not been given the Spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7) So when next, you have thoughts that demean you, remind yourself of God’s truth from His word. You are chosen. You are loved. You are seen.

Take back your power and tend to your garden of life!

REFLECT;