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HOW I MET YOU (#2) :Ella & Greg

Ella’s POV

What if? A phrase with which I am all too familiar with. It goes beyond the common situational imaginations like “What if I fall flat on my face when I am sharing my work presentation? What if my boss rejects my proposal? What if I miss the bus/train today?What if no one shows up for my event?”

There’s a certain kind of what if that I have not always been honest in saying; “What if I never fall in love? What if no one ever falls in love with me? What if I am meant to be alone? In your mind, you have probably responded with “Don’t say that. It will happen for you too.” Anyone who utters these “what if” statements is usually silenced with encouraging statements that are often laced with a disregard for some of the fears that they feel (even if those saying them have the purest intentions)

I have felt hopeless.

I have been in this season that has felt so lonely. I have asked questions. I have allowed myself to peek into glimpses only to be left with a shattered heart; snatched hope. I have opened up my heart and still willed myself to try again even when reality and common sense would have me make reinforcements on the door of my heart so no one has access. Yet you can say I never learn; a hopeful romantic, still waiting and watching.

This is how I imagine I will meet Greg. It is crazy that I have given him a name even though I do not know him yet. For some reason, when I think of him even with a blank face, the name Greg comes to mind.

He will probably see me before I see him because as time has revealed, everyone I have allowed myself to see isn’t meant for me so my eyes have learned to stay shut. Isn’t that what the Bible alludes to in Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor from the lord” So I will command my eyes to stay shut until he is convicted and thoroughly consumed by my presence that he wouldn’t have it any other way. The truth is I can’t bear to stare into his eyes only to discover he was captivated by someone within the same eyeline I just happened to be in. So, it will take God’s hand to force my eyes to open.

I wonder if he will see me at church or a corporate institution. Will it be at a friend’s party? wedding? birthday? Will it be at a funeral? Will we be introduced by someone? Will it be in a new city? Will it be love at first sight?

If I had a clue as to where we would meet perhaps my “what if” would turn into “when?

I wonder what his first words to me will be . I wonder if I will play them over and over in my head. I wonder if he will ask for details of all the pages of my life that he missed. I wonder what he will like about me or what his favorite thing about me will be.

When I meet him:

When I meet him, I may not even know how to react. When I meet him, I may hide. When I meet him, I probably won’t believe that he would have eyes for me. When I meet him, I would only pray that he would be patient with me; patient as I try to believe that my what if had turned into a reality. I would pray that my slowness in reciprocating won’t push him away.

I hope that when I tell him how love has been unkind to me, in every form, he will be drawn closer and help me rediscover the beautiful side of love.

So, I wait with a quiet longing, hopeful anticipation. I look forward to the day I will say he was worth waiting for. Some days are full of faith, while there are days I have none. Nonetheless, this desire that remains within me encourages my longing heart to believe that he is out there and that one day, I, Ella will meet you, Greg (or whatever your name will be)

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