I don’t know whether having writer’s block and the inability to bring oneself to type equal the same thing. Is my creativity tied to the willingness to gather my thoughts and assemble the strings of words needed to constitute a post?

Is it? Is it not? However, I am not entirely stuck on where the pendulum falls on the spectrum because ultimately the outcome is one.

EntryDate : 17-05-2022

I woke up this morning and even though I had no intention of drafting anything, here I am, attempting to push away the fog that has seemingly made itself at home in my mind and the crevices in my heart.

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Many associate me with jovialness, bubbliness, and vibrance which is often seeping through my utterances and evident in my smile, and I’ve been made to realize I am constantly expressing it effortlessly and wholeheartedly. I have embodied joy and equally invited people to share in the joy unspeakable, full of glory, and even though my external may not have reflected it lately, I didn’t go bankrupt on joy. It was still there waiting to be pulled back up and isolated from the debris of sadness within my shattered heart.

The temporary weariness of the soul allows the appreciation of joy.

Flashback

Without the help of God, I could’ve thought it was an emotion I could keep to myself until it passed. But God had been using people and His word to awaken me to the realization of my despair. Jackie, one of the amazing women I am privileged to know came to visit and after a time of fellowship, as she was leaving, she hugged me and called out the sadness within me and prayed for restoration, and uttered God’s word over my life. I felt stripped and bare in that instant but it was an expression of God’s love towards me because He did not want me to sink deeper.

Chances are I may have passed it off as being in a rut or a funk and I would have strived to use my own efforts to get out of it. Earlier that week God led me to Psalm 86 and even then I was yet to internalize the prayer God was leading me to pray or why he led me to the text. I had even created prayers in my Bible praying “Gladden the soul of your servant” and it was not until that moment with Jackie that I realized God was inviting me not to breeze through this season and affirming me that He was right there with me. It was not just a general prayer, it was an in-season prayer

Entry Date: 16-05-2022

God is so gracious to us that He will remind us of His truth so we can be unplugged from the murky grounds. I came across a text while flipping through pages of my Bible and I heard God whisper “This is what I am doing”. The verse was Jeremiah 31:25 ” I will satisfy the weary soul and every languishing soul, I will replenish.” (ESV) NKJV says “I HAVE satiated the weary soul and replenished every sorrowful soul.”

My heart burst open with emotion and I felt naked and bare before my Father….yet again. Tears were voluntarily released as I came to terms with the work of the Father within me even in the chaos. I cried as I clung to the promise of my Father; a promise of satisfaction and refreshing. His intentionality wrecked me.

This is where restoration began. Upon receiving this word, my heart opened up to receive healing and I received the strength to pray what had seemed so hard …revive me according to your word (Psalm 119:25) ….revive me according to your loving-kindness (Psalm 119:88) ….revive me according to your righteousness (Psalm 119:40)

So here I am, working my way back to joy with the power of God working within me.

……and more than anything, I choose to show up in His presence even when I have to drag my heart and command it to praise the Lord. In joy, In despair, In sorrow, and in the unknown, I am running to His presence.

I have known weariness so that I may not disregard the gift of joy that God has constantly filled my soul with. I have known weariness so that I may return to the garden and cultivate the desire for more. I have known weariness so that I may be redirected to what matters most. I have known weariness so that I may return to the well and drink deep

I choose to return to being the light, the vessel that allowed joy to be seen in every little thing she did. This is who God made me; a reflection of unmatched and overflowing joy.

You are light and you are so loved. Stay anchored and keep His light shining through